As someone who has unconsciously used rage to protect a broken heart, I relate to and honour your reflections, and your declaration.
There is so much wisdom in your words. I love that you speak to your learning as you go, as we all are. There need be no shame is this process.
So often, if not always, what sits beneath anger is fear, and beneath fear, hurt; be it grief, shame or any of the things that wound our hearts.
It takes deep courage to see past someones anger to what is underneath, and even greater courage to risk reaching out, through and beyond the rageful layer, to where the hurt is. It’s a special kind of Grace, being reached towards in this way. It’s a Grace that’s been bestowed on me by my beloved, and in time it has given me the courage to do the same to others, even when there are parts of me terrified at the risk of rejection, or attack.
You are a beautiful soul, Hannah. A soul “who loves to make others feel happy. Who cries over the sorrow of others. Who finds the utmost fulfillment in lifting and praising and serving and loving. Who talks to bugs and flowers because no one should be ignored. Who seeks out beauty and simplicity, who aches to show kindness because she knows that there is little she can do for this world except pour kindness into it.” This part had me in tears…
I send my love to you, and your anger, as you untangle yourselves from one another.
Chloe, thank you so much for sharing so many wonderful thoughts. I'm so grateful for you taking time not just to read, but to also ponder. After I wrote this and hit “post” I felt a rush of relief, and then of regret. This one is a little raw, and a bit revealing. Do you know what, though, it was actually thinking of you and how open and honest you always are, and how much that has helped me in such a short time, that kept me from deleting it and writing something more cheery and flattering. You mentioned grace, and it made me think of the Grace Pattern that you shared with me not too long ago, and it all fits! It's that unconditional love step. Loving someone enough to find the fear beneath the rage, to take the blows and the flames of it all in order to care for the wound. Something else for me to strive for; something I can do much better if I am able put my own anger aside. Again, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, and for your unending kindness towards me. It means so, so much 💚
I so appreciate you sharing all that. It makes all the discomfort of sharing worthwhile. I'm seeing, though, that I need to find a more sustainable balance. It's been taking me longer than I'd like to 'recover' (that sounds a little dramatic, but it's the closest word I have) from posting each week. I'd assumed it would ease of after a few weeks, but it hasn't yet, so I'm thinking on it... And I commend your courage (see, there it is again) and your honesty!
May we all practice and receive the Grace pattern as much and as often as possible.
Thank you, Hannah. I'm most grateful that we found one another here 💜
I know what you mean about recovering! I've struggled to come back to writing after that one. I'll get there, and perhaps I'll become more resilient as we go, but I'll need something a bit more lighthearted to write about this week. The kind of sharing you generously gift your readers isn't easy, and a recovery period is perfectly acceptable. Rather, perfectly necessary. I wish you all the best in that quest for balance!
Jul 27, 2023·edited Jul 27, 2023Liked by Hannah Holm
Am letting this sink in a minute. I like that grief and pain are acknowledged, timidly hiding. I am finding awareness of those two companions of late, and too, find anger speaking for them.
I am looking for the friend, restoration, who is also friends with grief and pain. Bless you on your journey.
Thank you so much for your thoughts, and for taking the time to read my post in the first place! I love the acknowledgement of friends that might come with grief and pain. Restoration, absolutely. Perhaps also Perspective and Wisdom. One of my greater pains has been the loss of my mother, and while I wish every day she were here with me, I also would not, could not, wish away the things I have learned and the growth I have experienced through losing her.
However long your journey was with her, you certainly are expressing that perspective and wisdom. Your writing remind's me of Pilgrim's Progress-John Bunyan. Take care of that heart.
I feel a little sheepish about the fact that I had never heard of that book before you mentioned it, after looking it up it seems like one I should definitely read and keep on my shelf! Thank you so much for your kindness 💚
Wow Hannah! What a great lesson for all of us! I'm once again blown away by your eloquence and introspection. You have so much love in your heart, I'm surprised there is any room for anger! I've found once I give into only love in my heart, it seems there is no boundary for more and more! Your words are truly amazing and I'm so happy your words can influence others!
As someone who has unconsciously used rage to protect a broken heart, I relate to and honour your reflections, and your declaration.
There is so much wisdom in your words. I love that you speak to your learning as you go, as we all are. There need be no shame is this process.
So often, if not always, what sits beneath anger is fear, and beneath fear, hurt; be it grief, shame or any of the things that wound our hearts.
It takes deep courage to see past someones anger to what is underneath, and even greater courage to risk reaching out, through and beyond the rageful layer, to where the hurt is. It’s a special kind of Grace, being reached towards in this way. It’s a Grace that’s been bestowed on me by my beloved, and in time it has given me the courage to do the same to others, even when there are parts of me terrified at the risk of rejection, or attack.
You are a beautiful soul, Hannah. A soul “who loves to make others feel happy. Who cries over the sorrow of others. Who finds the utmost fulfillment in lifting and praising and serving and loving. Who talks to bugs and flowers because no one should be ignored. Who seeks out beauty and simplicity, who aches to show kindness because she knows that there is little she can do for this world except pour kindness into it.” This part had me in tears…
I send my love to you, and your anger, as you untangle yourselves from one another.
Chloe, thank you so much for sharing so many wonderful thoughts. I'm so grateful for you taking time not just to read, but to also ponder. After I wrote this and hit “post” I felt a rush of relief, and then of regret. This one is a little raw, and a bit revealing. Do you know what, though, it was actually thinking of you and how open and honest you always are, and how much that has helped me in such a short time, that kept me from deleting it and writing something more cheery and flattering. You mentioned grace, and it made me think of the Grace Pattern that you shared with me not too long ago, and it all fits! It's that unconditional love step. Loving someone enough to find the fear beneath the rage, to take the blows and the flames of it all in order to care for the wound. Something else for me to strive for; something I can do much better if I am able put my own anger aside. Again, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, and for your unending kindness towards me. It means so, so much 💚
I so appreciate you sharing all that. It makes all the discomfort of sharing worthwhile. I'm seeing, though, that I need to find a more sustainable balance. It's been taking me longer than I'd like to 'recover' (that sounds a little dramatic, but it's the closest word I have) from posting each week. I'd assumed it would ease of after a few weeks, but it hasn't yet, so I'm thinking on it... And I commend your courage (see, there it is again) and your honesty!
May we all practice and receive the Grace pattern as much and as often as possible.
Thank you, Hannah. I'm most grateful that we found one another here 💜
I know what you mean about recovering! I've struggled to come back to writing after that one. I'll get there, and perhaps I'll become more resilient as we go, but I'll need something a bit more lighthearted to write about this week. The kind of sharing you generously gift your readers isn't easy, and a recovery period is perfectly acceptable. Rather, perfectly necessary. I wish you all the best in that quest for balance!
Am letting this sink in a minute. I like that grief and pain are acknowledged, timidly hiding. I am finding awareness of those two companions of late, and too, find anger speaking for them.
I am looking for the friend, restoration, who is also friends with grief and pain. Bless you on your journey.
Thank you so much for your thoughts, and for taking the time to read my post in the first place! I love the acknowledgement of friends that might come with grief and pain. Restoration, absolutely. Perhaps also Perspective and Wisdom. One of my greater pains has been the loss of my mother, and while I wish every day she were here with me, I also would not, could not, wish away the things I have learned and the growth I have experienced through losing her.
However long your journey was with her, you certainly are expressing that perspective and wisdom. Your writing remind's me of Pilgrim's Progress-John Bunyan. Take care of that heart.
I feel a little sheepish about the fact that I had never heard of that book before you mentioned it, after looking it up it seems like one I should definitely read and keep on my shelf! Thank you so much for your kindness 💚
So welcome; you may share a kinship with that book.
Wow Hannah! What a great lesson for all of us! I'm once again blown away by your eloquence and introspection. You have so much love in your heart, I'm surprised there is any room for anger! I've found once I give into only love in my heart, it seems there is no boundary for more and more! Your words are truly amazing and I'm so happy your words can influence others!